MY Fat Girl Problems

I need to lose weight!!

I say this everyday but I keep losing the battle.

Another day passes and my gym clothes are still in the same place.

I thought the shear fact that I can no longer fit into my clothes, no longer want to go out and party and hate how I look in the mirror would have kept me motivated.



Just a Taste

Let’s keep it simple.
Feed my imagination and let me feed yours.

Take me on a journey that does not involve you touching me or me touching you.

Take my mind somewhere that will end with me wanting to be entwined with you. That allows me to reach a natural high that I will slowly come down from and want what you have to give me.

Tease me.

I want you to penetrate my thoughts leaving me thinking about you and only you. Making me want you to go as deep as you can that I am no longer muted and want to scream out and hear my voice echo in an empty room.

Whisper in my ears all the things you want to do to me. Nibble on me as if I’m the finest desert you have ever tasted.

Let me watch as I see you grow. Imagining what I would do with your wand of magic and all the surprises we can create with it’s stroke whether it be short or long.

Get so close that we are barely touching. Our chests rising and falling from our heart beats that have sped up still holding off the pressure of giving in to touch.

When I let you touch me remember you still have not unlocked the key. Your fingers have to learn to play the melody that I have yet to show you.

Run your fingers over the spots that show me that it’s not just about being inside me. Take your time with them. Watch my reaction to learn if you are getting closer to me giving in.

When your done with your fingers remember you have your hands.

Massage and caress me. This body is not going anywhere, so why rush.

Hold me.

Make sure that you can wait for that moment of actually making me come cos it won’t be on the first time you touch me.

Maybe not even the second time because I won’t be naked and nor will you. And I cannot say when I will let you unlock the padlock to my gift.

But like I said, feed my imagination and take me somewhere I’ve never been taken before.

Because I will feed yours and eventually take you for a ride…..

Naked Contradiction

“What do you want me to say?” I typed and pressed send.

“Exactly how u r,” he texted back. “Don’t fob me off with have a nice weekend.”

I was just glad that he wasn’t sitting in front of me, not that I would give anything away.

Not even my mirror reflected the real me.

When I stand before it, I don’t see the inner being scratching away at my insides, screaming to be set free from the pain that’s harboured within these walls called skin.

I don’t see the tears of sadness trying to flood the ducts, pouring over the hills which should stand tall as a smile.

My eyes refuse to betray me. Always ensuring they carry the same look of neutrality to the eyes of those that show indifference to my feelings. And when I recognise how many there are, I can’t help but recoil further. Trapping the inner me little by little; hushing the voices that cry out.

I put on my earphones, allowing the music to drown out the sounds and preventing people from striking up unnecessary conversations; blocking another portal of escape and the possibility of escapism.

My mouth muted, producing the occasional one worded answers, extinguishing the chance of more questions coming my way.

“She doesn’t realise she is a walking contradiction,” I typed and pressed send trying to change the conversation.

“Nor do you recognise that in you,” he replied.

I loathed the fact that he knew me so well…..

Not To Be Repeated pt 1

I always wanted to feel protected.

I thought I had that in you until you changed.

I then had to learn to protect myself.

In learning to protect myself I then tried to protect you; only to fail.

I know we’ve been here before but this time it’s different.  You said good-bye to me when I didn’t see it coming.

All I ever wanted was more for you because we both know you can do better.

I am tired.

Tired of always being let down.

Tired of always having to be strong.


But whilst you are away, you can’t afford to get tired.

You have to remain strong and positive.

Come out and do better.

The Unspoken Word

When he saw her, he would smile within. Not giving away how much he enjoyed her presence.  Whilst she was all caught up in keeping him up to date with the bits of her life she wished to share, he hoped she had not noticed his eyes travelling all over her body. Taking in the fullness of her lips, her breasts that would fill the whole of his hands and her thick thighs in her jeans.

When she saw him she smiled on the outside while inside, she just wanted his arms around her.  Her head against his chest, hearing how his heart beat had quickened, giving her confirmation that he was feeling her just as much as she was feeling him.  Closing her eyes just long enough to day dream, before the envelope was opened and the embrace had come to its end.  However, that was all in her mind as she stood in front of him as he took in his view – her.

They went their separate ways, like they always did.    Both thinking about the next time, hoping the next time would be when the other would make a move; give in to temptation. Finally admitting to feeling something more than they should at this time. Going through the motions of saying its too soon and that they probably should not talk for a while but not wanting to give up on that link.  The one thing that sometimes elevated them from falling into that void of loneliness.

Real Life Portrait

There was once a time I found it so uncomfortable looking into anyone’s eyes, yet now I find it so easy.

I pretend I’m looking at a picture; they always seem so real the way the eyes feel like they are following you, that I imagine you in the same way. The same intensity and depth.

The only difference is, that you will talk back and that moment you open your mouth, the facade has ended.

It’s just you and me again; my real life portrait.