I’m scared of falling.
Not because I think you will treat me bad, but because I know you will treat me good.
Something I’m not used to; so I’m scared I will ruin it.
I don’t want to drown.
If it was in a pool or in the ocean, that would be one thing, but in my own tears, feeling suffocated by every drop that rolls down my face; smothering my nose, blurring my vision.
I don’t want it to end up that way.
The moment we first spoke, you saw me without even seeing me.
And you didn’t run.
You still haven’t run away, weeks later, even when you know you probably should. However, something deeper within you overrides that probably should because again you see more.
The butterflies I feel, so often that I can’t believe it’s real wake me up. Reminding me of the times I felt the first signs of the lives I carried for nine months. Scarily realising I want to share that with you; that’s how you make me feel.
Why do I care about you?
Because you care about me.
I saw it in your eyes last night when you looked at me. Really looked at me.
I couldn’t stare you down because I saw the torment inside of me reflected back in your eyes. And then you told me that this was not me as I felt comfortable to hide. So, angry with myself I deflected it back on you. Wanting to push your buttons but also not wanting to push you away too.
Playing the game tug of war with myself. Not slowing down, but going harder each time still.
Until again you spoke to the inner me that you said still existed.
That’s the person you were trying to connect with…….