Why do you visit me when I’m here being happy?
When you see that my smile reaches the outer corners of my eyes?
You knock at the door so innocently, wanting to say hi because your passing by.
I invite you in because I’ve not recognised, you do not want to leave; you don’t plan to say goodbye.
I’m still smiling and being hospitable because I know I have the power within.
To hold my head up high, not allowing myself to give in.
You leave that day and come back in the next few, until I find you’ve taken refuge.
Not in my home but visiting my friend.
My friend shares her fears and you’ve reared your ugly head again.
On the outside I’m strong and my words that follow are too.
But slowly I feel you like a drug, making your way through.
My veins, my heart and into my mind.
Slowing me down, bringing a haze.
My lips have no control as the words expressed are like bullets.
Occasionally missing the target or go piercing through it.
I feel the cloud before it can be seen.
I slip and fall; Fear has taken a hold of me.
My arms pinned down by my sides, the pain of everything very much alive.
Fear, why do you visit me when I’m here being happy?
This time around or even the next, I won’t let you beat or get inside of me.